I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
