dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
