If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
