ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
