i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
