she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
