T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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