That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
