everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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