a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
