I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
