We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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