Your face is a jimmy john
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
