I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
