All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
