he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
