Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
