instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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