i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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