Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
