Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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