I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
