I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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