Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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