My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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