"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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