Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
