Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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