Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My vagina is officially offended.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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