Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
