planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
