Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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