i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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