I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
