I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
