wakey wakey hands off snakey
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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