We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
