My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
