Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
