No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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