Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
