tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i now understand why vodka
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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