shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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