paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Randomize
