I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
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