i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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