I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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