ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
