I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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