I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
