He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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