She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
