I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
