she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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